Turning the Big 3-0

I remember the days when I thought that I would be married by 23, have my first baby by 25 "or 26", I would say. A few years later I even added the "I can't wait to turn 30, I will have proven that I am an adult and gain so much more respect from those that are older. I'll be wiser and have the answer to almost anything." I was 16 and later 19 or 20 when I started thinking like this. Boy did things change....yearly it seems. I sit here now only 10 days away from turning 30 and I think to myself, "WHAT on earth was I thinking?". I was thinking, just not from the perspective of a 29 yr old single female with a little experience in the game of life now under her belt.

We all have different life experiences, plans, and expectations we set for our lives. Things always change when we least expect them to, sometimes the way we want them or sometimes the way we would have never considered. That is the beauty of it all, right? Our lives of the unknown as we know it. We can plan, and think and expect and want but we can never really know.

So, with all of that being said, I'm turning 30 in 10 days and NOTHING has turned out the way I would have planned or expected. I'm single, never married, no kids, and I haven't even finished my college degree. I mean, COMPLETELY opposite of what I said when I was 16. I find it quite hilarious yet comforting all at the same time. How is that even possible, you ask? I'll tell you.

I have learned over the past few years to stop defining my life according other people's accomplishments, life stages, and expectations. I still fall victim to this to some degree if I'm being honest here. It's like a catch 22; you are happily married (sometimes) with beautiful children that you wouldn't trade the world for, busy going from one dance class to karate, working, making time for cooking and cleaning and life as your head spins in circles and then over time, all of the sudden you realize that YOU are still in there somewhere but you've forgotten about yourself; OR you are single, focused on school or your career going from one appointment to the happy hour then the 1st date, on to the gym, looking for the next best fitness camp, or what location to have your next birthday, and then over time, all of the sudden you realize that YOU are lonely and are still looking for that someone to share your life with and that feeling of wanting to nurture another human life is eating away at you sometimes daily. So what truly makes us happy? Honestly? Do you know?

I mean, let's face it, no matter what we planned or expected or wanted even matters. We are all on this path of the unknown as we know it together and can find a way to make whatever situation we are in sound worse than the other; no matter whose "other" it is.

I don't have an answer or some wise thing to say. I just know that my life is flashing before my eyes and I am ONLY turning 30. I will embrace this new decade with open arms and fly by the seat of my pants, as I always have, and hope that I never really land because if I do, that means I'm not living. I am going to stop making plans and simply replace them with goals. I won't worry about how I'll make it to my goal, I'll just live to get there. I will continue to meet new people, and learn from them. I will stop being so hard on myself and accept me for me, because honestly, if I can't even do that then how on earth is anyone else going to? I will take myself out of my comfort zone as often as possible, that's how we grow. And most importantly, I will have faith in God's plan alone...He will take care of all those little details that I have completely over consumed my life with in the past.

Oh, and one more thing....I'll go to Italy for 12 days to celebrate turning 30! "When in Rome..." RIGHT???

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. - john lennon